That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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