You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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