i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
