I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
