I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
