So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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