So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
