Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
