You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
