we have officially lost it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
