Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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