That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize