Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
