New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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