Sry I called you an 8
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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