youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
