Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I CAN MOONWALK!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
