Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
