By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
