Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
