Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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