fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
