plz talk dirty to me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
