Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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