from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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