her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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