idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
