i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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