Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
