Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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