DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize