can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just puked most of my soul out..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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