would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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