I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
