she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
