i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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