Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just want to make out with him forever
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
