she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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