this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
