Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
