sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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