I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
