I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
