we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
