im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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