I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
