booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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