Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize