I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
