Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize