Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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