Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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