Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize