dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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