Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
