I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
