I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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