i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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