Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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