If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize