im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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