Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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