your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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