I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
