I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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