3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Terrible idea I love it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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