I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
