I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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