the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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