He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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