dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
