I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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