I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
do nipples grow back?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
