I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize