I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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