I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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