I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
