Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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