also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
