Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
