You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
