oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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